English joke On the first day of the school year,little Bob comes to school .His sister ,Amy is in Grade Two and brings him to his classroom,then she leaves.He comes in and sees sixteen boys and fifteen girls.It’s eight o’clock and class begins.Mr White comes in.He tells the class to stand up and say,”Good morning,sir!”to him.He comes to Bob and says,”What’s your name,pleas?””Bob.”says Bob.”You should say ‘sir’when you speak to the teacher.””Ok,my name is Sir!” 1.Are They Worn Out?"No," growled the quartermaster,"you can't have a new pair of shoes.The pair you have aren't worn out." "Not worn out," cried the recruit," Why,if I step on a dime I can feel if it's head or tails." 还没穿破?“不行,”军需官大声说：“你不能领一双新鞋子,你穿着的那双还没有穿破.” “没穿破,”新兵叫道：“为什么?如果我踩到一个一角硬币,我可以知道踩着的那面是公还是字.” 2.Sunset Father:This is the sunset my daughter painted.She studied painting abroad,you know.Friend:Ah,that accounts for it!I never saw a sunset like that in this country.日落 父亲：这幅《日落》是我女儿画的,你知道,她曾在国外学过画画.朋友：啊,怪不得!我在本国还从来没有见过这样的日落.3.A Great Man Teacher:Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?Student:Of course.He must be a great man,for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名伟人 老师：如果莎士比亚还活着,他会是一名伟人吗?学生：当然.因为到目前为止,还没有人活到400多岁.4.Where is the father?Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings."Look," said the elder brother."How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger,"but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children.Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained,"Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿?兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画.“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!” “是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子.那爸爸去哪儿了呢?” 哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道：“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗.” 5.THREE PEOPLE A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read,"Here lies John Kelly,a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed."They've got three people buried in one grave." 三个人 有一个人参观墓地时见到一块墓碑上写着：“在这里安息的是约翰凯利,一个律师,一个诚实的人.”“这是怎么回事!”他叫了起来.“他们在一个坟墓了埋了三个人.” Once there was a man named Jim,who let his dog out to relieve himself late one night.He watched some TV,and then remembered to let the dog back in.When he opened the door,he was shocked at what he saw!In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat,dead!"Bad dog!BAD DOG!",said the panicked man.He took the cat away and looked at it.He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened,so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbour's porch.He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt.It took him forever.He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned.He brushed it's beautiful white fur as he blow dried it,and put it's collar back on.Since it was so dark,he snuck into the neighbor's yard,and laid the cat down on the porch,in front of the door.The next day,he was on his way to the car to go to work and his neighbor was outside."Hi," he said."Hi," replied Jim,nervously.His neighbor said,"something weird happened last night." "Oh yeah?What's that," asked Jim,sweating now."Well,my cat died yesterday,and we buried him,and this morning he was lying on my front porch!" 从前有一个叫吉姆的人,一天晚上他让狗在外面放风.他看了一会电视,然后记起来应让狗进来.后当他打开门,他被他所看到吓到了!在他的狗的嘴里是他的邻居家猫,死了!“坏狗!坏狗!”吉姆惊慌失措地说到.他把猫拿下来并看着它.他不能让自己告诉他的邻居发生了什么,所以他决定把猫清理干净并将它放在了邻居的门廊.他带猫到浴室洗掉了所有的血迹和泥.他不得不洗了四次才把猫洗干净.他把猫刷的如白裘一样美丽并给它吹干,并把它的项圈套上.由于天黑,他悄悄地溜进邻居家的院子并把猫放在了门前的门廊上.第二天,他要开车去上班,他的邻居在外面.“嗨”邻居说.“嗨”吉姆非常担心地回答.他的邻居说“昨天晚上发生了奇怪的事”“ 哦是吗?怎么了?”吉姆问到,现在已经出汗了.“嗯,我的猫昨天死了,我们埋葬了它,今天早晨他躺在我门前的门廊上了!”