help do sth 和 help to do sth 都可以.
没有语法错误,Good job!只是个人觉得Besides之后又来个了what's more,都是此外的意思,将what's more 改为last but not the least 如何?
建议将句子加在第二句,relaxing 之后,when之前
There are more and more poeple who have the problem of obesity and doing sports is the best way for them to lose weight.