“with high income”：with high payment（income是相对于自己来说,而payment是相对于job来说.）
“when I finished university”：when I finish my school或用when I graduate from university（后者更正式.而且你的时态用错了.）
“although it’s probably not ”：although it may not be（尽可能一句话中同一单词不要重复.）
“That time”：At that time（你用的是Chinglish.）
“I need much money ”：I should need much more money（情态动词的加入语气更委婉.）
“ I need to buy a car,I need to buy a house”：I have to support the car,the house（词汇或句型要多样.）
“different kind of ”：different kinds of（已经是different了,肯定不是一种.）
“,so that time”：.（前面要用句号了,上一句话已经说完了不是么?而且你这样一句话,前后没有很强的逻辑联系啊,实在想用到 I cannot choose job but job chooses me,就把它放到前面去,第一句话的后面.my favorite job.Nowaway,not we chooses job but job chooses us.）
“When I got enough working experience and got enough money to make a living”：After getting enough experience and money（拖沓.）
“no matter what is the number of the income”：No matter how much of the income（钱...用how much）
“ I don’t need money any more”：I donot need that much more money
总结一下,可能就像你自己说的你没很认真的写,整篇文章句式单一,用词单调重复,逻辑有些混乱,基本在初中水平.改到后来我很想重新写一篇.第二段真的值得重新再写,同学.
