语法上没有什么大错误
注意以下几点:①:such as后面最好打逗号,然后etc.
②:some people are favor of it while others are not. ……………………But others don’t agree with them.
两句话有点重复了……后面那句是衔接不好的原因.
③:Besides, we can relax ourselves.
这句话可以改成分词作状语的句子,和上面连成一句话会更好.
④:there may be some bad men trying to get money or any other things.
说的有点怪怪的……直接说打劫rob就可以了,get money因为get的缘故可以有很多意思的……理由不太好,至少也要加一个“在过去的路上”吧.