雅思剑5第一篇小作文,希望大牛帮助改改,顺便给个分数,
1个回答

个别单词有拼写错误哦,第二句lower than改为(just) under更好,“but the percentage of Sweden rose more rapidly than USA”,USA前加that of,“between 1990 and 2015 with a peak in 2010 about 20%”,about前面加at.a little bit 最好改为slightly.“ After 2015 the proportions of all three countries rise dramatically to 2040.”这句话有歧义了,难道是比例上升到2040?另外注意时态,这里最好用将来,表明是推测的.雅思小作文尽量不要出现歧义.这篇作文整体来讲还是不错的,但是from to貌似用得有些太多了,可以用period,span这样的词来替代下.分数嘛,6.5左右吧.