给你500个

Mom: There are fifteen people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.

Kevin: I'm the only one who is really getting dumped on.

Mom: You are the only one acting up. Now get upstairs.

Kevin: I am upstairs, dummy! The third floor?

Mom: Go.

Kevin: It's scary up there.

Mom: Don't be silly, Fuller will be in for a while.

Kevin: I don't want to sleep with Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. He’ll pee all over me. I know it.

Mom: Fine, we'll put him somewhere else.

Kevin: I'm sorry.

Mom: It's too late. Get upstairs.

Kevin: Everyone in this family hates me!

Mom: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.

Kevin: I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck!

Mom: Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.

Kevin: I don't want to see you for the rest of my whole life. I don't want to see anybody else either.

Mom: I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.

Kevin: No, I wouldn't.

Mom: Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.

Kevin: I hope I never see any of you jerks again!

Buzz: I wouldn't let you sleep in my room... if you were growing on my ass.

Marv: There! What are we gonna do with him, Harry?

Harry: We'll do exactly what he did to us: we're gonna burn his head with a blowtorch.

Marv: And smash his face with an iron!

Harry: I like to slap him right in the face with a paint can.

Marv: And shove a nail through his foot!

Harry: First off, I'm gonna bite off his every little fingers one at a time.

(Just then, Marley knocks Harry and Marv with his shovel)

Kate: Kevin, get upstairs right now.

Kevin: Why?

Jeff: Kevin, you're such a disease.

Kevin: Shut up.

Peter: Kevin, upstairs.

Kate: Say good night, Kevin.

Kevin: "Good night, Kevin."

Kate: PETER! (They jump out of bed)

Kate and Peter: (shouting) We slept in!

Kevin: Buzz! I'm going through all your private stuff! You better come out and pound me!

Kevin: Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!

Harry: (seeing Marv laugh) What's so funny? What's so funny? What are you laughing at? (Marv covers his mouth) You did it again, didn't you? You left the water running, didn't you? What's wrong with you? Why'd you do that? I told you not to do it.

Marv: Harry, it's our calling card.