One possible version：
Several days ago, I came across a story about Glorence Chadwick, the first woman who succeeded in swimming the Catalina Channel. It was a goal in her mind that enabled her to make the breakthrough regardless of dense fog, which failed her in her first attempt.
I was deeply inspired by such a story, as it makes me realize the power of a goal in shaping one’s success and gives me strength to pursue my goal, despite the hardships I am to go through.
In my view, goals are crucial to guiding our lives. To begin with, as goals often go with hopes, they have the magic to enable us to be positive towards ups and downs. Moreover, bearing goals in mind, we are less likely to be blind to the ideals of our life and be distracted from our way to success. Finally, as goals are what we are longing for, they thus can motivate us to strive for greater achievement, making our lives more fulfilling.
Since goals are so significant to our lives, it is worthwhile for us students to set up goals and accomplish them with every effort we can make.
认真检查，避免错误。仔细阅读全文，查找是否有错，注意时态、单词拼写、字母大小写、标点是否有误，句式是否正确．逻辑是否一致。
【亮点说明】文中使用了非常好的短语和句子为文章增色不少，比如came across, succeeded in, regardless of,还运用了which及who引导的定语从句及强调句型It was a goal in her mind that…等等。并注意了句子的衔接如：In my view，To begin with, Moreover，Finally等等。
考点：
1年前
3
