personal rating:5
Your essay is indeed impressive,and although I
am not a professional rater,I can well say that your essay is not likely to
fail you on exams(but be sure you can write another essay of the same quality
on the "big day").You are insightful and your words are sharp and
cool.That's good,but a little bit control of sentiment will make your article
more cogent and level-headed.For example,when you quote from teenagers who
can not survive without a smartphone,it would be more dispassionate (aahuh!
you get me !it is safer to be "detached" writing a TOFEL essay,but
things can be different in SAT of GRE) to rephrase the words in the form of
third personal.Oh,another thing I almost forget,you can be better if using a
well organized body structure--i'm not saying that your transitional sentences
are inferior,don't get me wrong; I'm just suggesting a way to make your essay
pretty.Well,the structure will only make your essay literally beautiful,
as an artical with a 100 words' introduction,three 12o words' supporting
paragraphs and a 100 words' conclusin is proved to be of the golden propotion.
That's it,buddy!You have alrealy done a remarkably amazing job.Just keep
going,and if you have any questions feel free to look for me,I'm willing to
read some other essays from you.Wish you good luck!
