鐜版垚鐨勬病鏈?缁欎綘鐐瑰弬鑰冪殑
杩樻湁杩欎釜鏂囩珷
How Teens Behave
x05x05x05x05x05
Now that we have discussed some of the factors that make teenagers behave the way they
do,let鈥檚 spend a little time discussing exactly how they behave.The purpose of this part
of the discussion is to help you realize that a lot of the things you are seeing in your teen
that drive you crazy are really quite common and normal for this stage of development.
It may not make it any easier,but it is nice to know that you are not suffering alone.
x05x05x05x05x05
As we said before,the two new dominant forces governing your teen鈥檚 life are his
"Adolescent Drive for Independence" and his new found sexuality.Both of these things
demand that he turn away from his parents and childish things.These forces stand
opposed to his drive to remain a child.Now although the interplay between these two
forces is the underlying cause of what we see in both boys and girls,the way it changes
their behavior is different.
x05x05x05x05x05
Your Teenage Boy
x05x05x05x05x05
At about the age of twelve,boys go into their rooms,close the door and turn up the
stereo.They come out six years later.This might be a bit of an exaggeration but it鈥檚 not
much of one.Teenage boys disappear,and even when their bodies are around,they
themselves are somewhere else.Some boys spend a lot of time away from home,but
even the ones who are still around become very,very private.
x05x05x05x05x05
The main reason for this is the difficulty they have dealing with their new concept of
sexuality.Sexuality is extremely powerful for the adolescent boy and he doesn鈥檛 really
know how to handle it.These new feelings are something that he definitely does not feel
comfortable sharing with his parents.The drive of sexuality is so strong and the taboo
against sharing it with his parents is so complete that the best solution most boys come up
with is to just disappear,until they work it all out themselves.
x05x05x05x05x05
Boys are particularly uncomfortable with their mothers.Since boys have a strong
attraction to women,and their mother is the one woman with whom they had strong
feeling,until they get their new and amorphous sexual feelings firmly focused on women
outside the house,their mother's presence is a problem for them.So a previously warm
and loving boy is going to start to shun his mother in a way that she often finds very
painful.There is not much a mother can do at this point,as in this stage of her son鈥檚 life
he needs the distance.Trying to force the issue is going to cause problems.
x05x05x05x05x05
Boys have less trouble relating to their fathers.This is because their intense and
overwhelming sexual feelings don鈥檛 get involved.However,their involvement is not
usually a matter of relating to one another,it鈥檚 more often the sharing of a common
interest,such as sports.
x05x05x05x05x05
Boys tend not to act out verbally.They usually don鈥檛 have many screaming matches with
their parents.However,when teenage boys do get into battles,they tend to become very
x05x05x05x05
x05x05x05
x05x05x05
x05x05x05x05
x05x05x05x05x05
16
x05x05x05x05
x05x05x05
x05x05
x05x05
x05x05x05
x05x05x05x05
x05x05x05x05x05
emotional,often losing control.They usually end up fleeing the house,occasionally
punching a hole in the wall or kicking the door in on the way out.If boys do engage in a
lot of fighting with their parents,it can be a sign that there are serious problems ahead.It
usually indicates that they had a very strong attachment to their parents in their childhood
years and separation now is going to be very hard for them,and everyone around them.
x05x05x05x05x05
Another characteristic of the teenage boy is that he is absent when present.They seem to
do nothing.You talk to them and they give you the blank stare.It鈥檚 the 鈥渓ights are on but
nobody is home鈥 look.The reason for this is that teenage boys have a lot on their plate to
deal with.In addition to their new sexuality there is the ever looming threat of their
future.They know that they are soon going to have to make it the world,and they don鈥檛
know how they are going to do it.
x05x05x05x05x05
When a teenage boy is home,all he wants is peace and tranquility.No,he does not want
to clean up his room and he certainly does not want to take out the garbage.In this
regard,parents become a special problem and a new source of aggravation.Teenage
boys are the masters of doing nothing.They can lie in bed,listen to music,watch
television or just stare into space,and they can do this for hours on end in complete bliss.
They can achieve a state of complete passivity.
x05x05x05x05x05
Your Teenage Girl
x05x05x05x05x05
Girls also have the new feelings of sexuality and the need to push away their parents,but
they react to these feelings in a completely different way than boys do.Boys disappear,
girls do not.Girls would rather fight it out,and it is with your teenage daughter that you
are going to experience the full meaning of what it is to be the parent of a teenager.
x05x05x05x05x05
To escape the influence of parents and home,boys disappear.Girls fight.This is
actually an advantage for them though it is going to make your life more difficult.It
allows them to maintain an emotional connection with you while still declaring their
independence.The reason girls can do this is that their sexual feelings don鈥檛 have that
vague undirected nature that boys experience.Their feelings are more focused inward
and their new sexuality does not force teenage girls to isolate themselves.Due to a girl鈥檚
sexual feelings being more in check,she can actually maintain a warm loving relationship
with her father,provided that he can tolerate her behavior.It is much less common for a
girl to remain close to her mother.In childhood,for most daughters,their closest
attachment is to their mother,so for them the need to break away from childhood
translates into a need to turn away from this relationship.
x05x05x05x05x05
Girls also tend to fight more than boys because they are better prepared for it.Girls are
better at expressing themselves verbally.That鈥檚 how they fight with each other.They
are also more used to dealing with their emotions,which means they are better able to
handle the emotional ups and downs that go along with these battles.For the most part
boys would rather just run away from it all.
x05x05x05x05
x05x05x05
x05x05x05
x05x05x05x05
x05x05x05x05x05
17
x05x05x05x05
x05x05x05
x05x05
x05x05
x05x05x05
x05x05x05x05
x05x05x05x05x05
How Teens Relate to Parents
x05x05x05x05x05
The Parent Allergy
x05x05x05x05x05
Children love their parents.They also need and desire the love of their parents.Your
very presence makes your child long for your love,and this is a feeling that your young
teen cannot deal with.It is from among the strongest feelings of childhood and as a result
at this stage of his life he must reject it,and that means he must reject you.
x05x05x05x05x05
Again,and this cannot be emphasized enough,your teen is going to reject you at this
stage of his or her life,but this rejection has nothing to do with you.It is a
developmental stage that your teen needs to go through.There will come a time when
your teen will be able to resolve the tension of his love for you,his desire for closeness to
you and his need for adult independence.But at this stage he cannot do this yet.
Therefore,in order to grow up,he is going to have to reject you.He is going to want to
have little or nothing to do with you.
x05x05x05x05x05
I know,I just said that your teen needs your love and your warmth,that you need to make
sure you tell this to him verbally and communicate it to him physically.Now I am saying
that he is going to be repelled by your very presence.Seems like a contradiction,doesn鈥檛
it?Well,it is.But still both are true.Your teen needs your warmth and when you offer
it he is going to shove it back in your face.Your son is going to push you away and your
daughter is going to roll her eyes.No one ever said it was going to be pleasant or easy to
be the parent of a teenager.There is no universal way to deal with this contradiction,but
there is a way that works for a lot of parents.The best way to give them the l
