personal score evaluation: 4.5
Your essay is actually pretty good, with different sentence structures and wisely used vocabulary making your style quite fancy. If you are going to take the test in a short time, it’s totally suitable to jot down an essay like this in your writing section,(but be sure that you can finish your essay, the time is limited!) and your scores will be satisfying. To be honest, US universities will more likely to focus on your reading score than on your writing, which only contributes to a relatively small part of your total score. Nonetheless, if there is still some time left, revising your finished articles won’t be a bad idea. Writing a fanciful essay will not be a high-score-guarantee, but it will surely make a bonus. Always pay attention to your grammar mistakes and tense errors. One or two lapse of them will be negligible, but a large mount will demonstrate your poor mastery of English. In your essay above, you are free of most of the errors, but some are still showing themselves there, like “enabled ….becoming” and “Failed in many times governor elections” a thorough revision can help you find out these problems. Please remember, at the real test you will not have enough time to check out all the mistakes. Be sure to make yourself sensitive to evitable errors.
Another thing is that it’s not necessary to just display your examples. I have to say, personally, that your ability to refer to lots of examples in one essay is really amazing. Not everybody can do that. However, the unfortunate reality is that the readers will definitely want to know details rather than the facts they have already known. In other word, they would be happier to enjoy your analysis of a certain example than simple to read facts. A few critical views of yours will be refreshing. Anyway, they want to read your essay, not a mixture of examples they can easily consult to an encyclopedia.
Of course you can be better, but above all, nice job, buddy! Don’t worry too much about your SAT test, let along your writing. Good luck to you! Feel free to contact me if you want.
