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Also,food may(be) polluted by pesticides or fertilizers(,)which if we eat could affect our health .

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Moreover,ocean pollution makes the ocean a landfill and（ the marine life ecosystem are being destroyed.）

第二小段第二行

(This) toxic （air） destroyed our environment in many ways.

第三行

We could smell awful odor released by (the furniture）when we stay in the room,and (the)same (smell),which (is)released by those plants and cars,(is) (pervading)in the atmosphere when we go outside to have fun with (our)friends.

发现很CHIGLISH 啊...好难改哦~!继续

第七行

even lead（to) the global warming

these airs （） not only （pollute the） environment around us,but also threaten （TO）our health.

第九行

or cause headache 去掉第一个 OR

十

poor outdoor air quality could also increase the （risks） of having lung diseases like asthma,(because of) the chemicals and dusts (contained) in the (air).air是单数 你自己订正哦~前面的

最后

Now we (have) learned these threatens that air pollution could bring to us,so we should be alert (to )these environmental problems and ()pay (much more) attention to the other pollutions that may hurt us,like the soil one.土壤污染不是属于环境污染吗?我觉得AND后可以都去掉啊

第二段第一句

of the (United) States

California (used to focus） on the land a lot

but it seems （that) we （have）left the problems (caused) by pesticides and fertilizers aside .

With （the）function of （killing） pests,pesticide（S） also （hurt） a lot to （）our environment.

For example,pesticides could affect the crops we wish to protect from the bugs.这句话很多余啊,而且WISH 不可以直接说wish TO DO STH..

Another example is the pesticide is not only killing the pests,it also hurting other insects,前面在讲污染环境,举得两个例子都不是围绕这个主题.有点混乱.可以写成一个EXAMPLE：For example,pesticides could protect the crops from the bugs ,but meanwhile,other insects are killed,and the fresh air is deeply polluted .

sometime even affect animals’ nervous system.你想说影响到动物的神经系统吗.SOMETIMES 有时,SOMETIME一段时间 不一样的哦~我觉得这句话就不用了吧.

Moreover,pesticides could threat TO human’s health.

COULD 是情态动词,后面用动词原型.不及物动词 一定要跟上介词

Pesticides could hurt people through direct contact(s),(it may) even lead（to) skin diseaseS and lung diseaseS .这样就可以了.简洁~不要太罗嗦了

内容不帮你改了 好混乱的.

Pesticides could also spread by the water,consequently,it may cause even biggr problems,threating to our health directly.我猜你是想表达这个意思吧.好人做到底了.

(We polluted our ocean without thinking about the series of consequences it will remain,today is the time that we have(to face) it,the marine pollution.)

have our undersea environment (pollution)

In addition,ocean pollutions could also (damage) our ...

lead(to ) skin diseases and allergies when we(are) swimming or diving in the seawater

(MORE OVER,) the chemicals release(d) by these pollutants could go into our body by some seafood,(which live and come from the ocean.去掉） SEAFOOD当然来自SEA.我快坚持不住了

face （it） seriously.

(AND) moreover,save our own lives 没有转折关系

factories that still (DO HARM TO ) the environment

more (SollutionS )to correct the problems we have cAUSED.

In a word,with all the work we are (PERSISTING IN )doing ,we ( will obviously) have a healthy and clean environment again.

终于好了.A Thesis on Pollution in California